Mar 31, 2010
By Lisa T. Bergren
On the way home from Cancun this week, I witnessed a parenting nightmare. A mother and father, traveling with a four-year-old in the middle seat and a two-year-old on their laps, encountered a total meltdown of said two-year-old in the last thirty minutes of our flight. The toddler was stressed and weary at 10pm, screaming, “I’m tired! I’m tired!” She refused to sit in a seat. She screamed so loud and for so long that her father put his hand over her mouth, making us all squirm in our seats, alternately glad for the reprieve and alarmed for the child. Every time he let go, she’d gasp and scream again, this time yelling, “Daddy, stop that! Mommy! Mommy!”
Ugh. It sends shivers down my spine even now, 48 hours later. Because in a moment of desperation, I’ve tried the hand over the mouth technique, and seen how it sent my child around the bend. Definitely Not My Finest Parenting Moment. But what are you to do when you’re at the end of your rope and other passengers are glaring at you? You can almost read the words Control Your Child in their blackened, glaring eyes.
But sometimes, children cannot be controlled.
These Cancun parents then enjoyed their four-year-old yelling at them too. “Daddy! Don’t hurt my sister! Stop it! Stop it!” Fabulous. Nothing like feeling like the Parent of the Year and then having your eldest become part of the Greek Chorus. The toddler was released and climbed into her mother’s arms, moaning, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.” I saw her later, in her grandfather’s arms going through Customs, and wondered how long she’d be mad at her father.
[insert heavy sigh]
So…what’s a parent to do to avoid such a terrible scenario?
1) Don’t travel late at night. Don’t plan to get home after nigh-night time. It’s just not smart. Traveling is taxing enough–try and come close to the kiddo”s schedule, even at the expense of the last half-day of your trip.
2) Keep three surprises in your bag of tricks. Don’t use ‘em all up early in the flight. Save 2-3 until you’re really, truly desperate. Wrapped presents. Gum. Tiny toys. Be the Magician Mommy with Just One More surprise around the corner.
3) I’m sorry, but families that have not instituted some semblance of discipline at home have no business traveling in confined spaces (planes and trains) with the general public. I believe that kids have rights to travel, but not if they have not been taught to control themselves. That said, all two-year-olds routinely lose it. It is the way of their people. But parents have to be adept at response. It is very hard to use the traditional technique of ignoring a temper tantrum to rob it of its power on a plane–as parents, we want to Stop It, and Stop It Now–but if you always do this at home, it’s worth a try on the plane too:
- Place screaming child in window seat
- Say to her, “This is NOT how we behave on a plane. I want you to stop NOW. I will speak with you again when you stop being loud.”
- Physically turn your back.
- Explain to your fellow passengers: “I’m so sorry. I really wish I could stop My Child from doing this now. I really do. Please know I’ve done what I could. But if we all ignore her for five minutes, it should end. If we don’t, it could last longer. Please bear with us.”
I left the plane, glad that my three are all past the temper tantrum stage, but remembering well that the worst parts of traveling with little ones was (a) not being able to console/keep a child quiet and (b) changing a dirty diaper in impossible places. Sometimes, we have to rely on a wing and prayer…and good prep.
Here are some other excellent techniques/ideas in an article from MSNBC…
And here are some tips on changing a diaper on a plane, from Delicious Baby…
Photo by killerb10, istockphoto
Have you ever dealt with a screaming child on a plane? What are your tricks/means of negotiation? Please comment below!
Posted on Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tags: parenting, planes, temper tantrums, traveling with children
Great tips, my dear. I am relieved this has never happened to me on a plane but my kids are still young enough that I never say never.
Very cool about your summertime travels. I'm especially jealous of Israel. I did a study abroad in the Middle East and have been itching to go back.
Just NOT in the summertime. Waaaaay too hot for me!
Going to Israel end of June. I'm a heat wuss too.
Great post! It's a universal problem and it's truly a parent nightmare. I feel so sorry for the parents and can understand their stress.
I love the tip about giving time out even in the confine space. Also if you can get up, you can take them to the back of the plane and do the same thing.
But for tip #1 is probably hard to follow in our case when we travel to Thailand. Because there is literally no choice for us to not travel late at night. But I think trying to get them to sleep on the plane will help for a long flight. Put them in their PJ and give them their lovey to make them feel comfortable. It's easier said than done.
We have been there when my son stayed up the whole 10 hours flight and fell asleep the last 5 minutes before we landed!
Thanks, Amy, for your comment. And yes, for international flights, it's impossible to do anything but embrace that time. I love it when kids sleep for hours of a long-haul flight! Good suggestions on how to make the most of it. (And it's happened to us too–that Stay Up Forever fight and collapse as wheels touch runway. Groan.)
Made my way over from Twitter – great article. My husband and I don't have kids yet, and this is one of the reasons why. I need to start reading more parents blogs to drive home the fact that traveling with kids is NOT the end of your travels and also be reminded that parenthood brings a whole new realm of things to figure out while traveling.
Don't let this article scare you away from having kids!!! Parenthood definitely offers new challenges to travel, but also whole new layers of beauty–for instance, kids always connect with other kids in other countries, giving YOU, as the mom, a whole new opportunity to connect as well. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment.
This is a great article! I made the mistake of booking a red eye flight with my at the time 2 year old. In all of my infinite wisdom, I thought he would sleep through the flight. Ha…about two weeks AFTER I booked the ticket, he started having true night terrors and as luck would have it, he had one on the red eye flight home from California to Florida. Luckily, everyone was very kind…the flight attendants allowed us to stand in the galley while I attempted to calm him down without making it worse! That is the LAST flight we have ever taken through the night!!
Groan! And yet, as Amy pointed out above, sometimes it's unavoidable and actually works for the parent if the kiddo sleeps through the hours…some of this is a crap shoot. You just prep the best you can and say lots of prayers. I'm SO glad the flight attendants were kind to you.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by stephanie lynch, Trailblazer. Trailblazer said: A few tips from @theworldcalls for Temper Tantrums on the Plane…sounds like she feels your pain brave parents! http://ow.ly/1tBEh [...]
We have flown several times to Europe when it was unavoidable like you all said, but we definitely avoid the planned red eyes at all cost!
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Twitter by TheWorldCalls: Ever had a screaming toddler in the throes of a tantrum in your lap? Or in the seat in back of you? http://bit.ly/bg91wl...
Well said, Lisa! I think we’ve all tried the hand over the mouth trick at some point with disasterous results! I love your advice to communicate with the other passengers. As long as others know that you ate trying, they seem to have more sympathy. Sometimes the best advice in these situations is to silently repeat the mantra, “this too shall pass!”
BTW I haven’t forgotten my promise to write a guest blog post for you! Now that things have settled down after the Travel Mamas anniversary, I’ve got more time. I’ll get something to you soon, I promise!
Thanks, Amy, for your comment. And yes, for international flights, it’s impossible to do anything but embrace that time. I love it when kids sleep for hours of a long-haul flight! Good suggestions on how to make the most of it. (And it’s happened to us too–that Stay Up Forever fight and collapse as wheels touch runway. Groan.)
These are some great suggestions. I am a parent and thankfully have never experienced this at all. Ignoring this behavior is the hardest thing to do. Turning your back and not engaging the kids is a tough job, but one that has to be done.
Great article.
Ann, thanks! I'm not sure which is worse being the parent in charge of the screamer or being nearby and not being able to get involved. Either way it makes for a looooong flight! Even with the prospect of a tantrum I'll always encourage families to travel together. You can never replace shared experiences…
Thanks again for the comment!
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